Whose Suffering is This? Narratives of Adult Children and Parents in Long-Term Abusive Relationships

This article provides an inside look at the relationship dynamics between parents and adult children when the adult children neglect their parents. This phenomenological study focused on the subjective experience of family members: 23 participants, including 11 dyads of abusive adult children and their parents, and one individual parent. Findings identified four types of victimhood narratives: (1) the aged parent as the central victim of suffering, and the abuser (adult child) as secondary victim; (2) the abuser (adult child) as the central victim of suffering and the parent as both victimizer and victim; (3) the abuser (adult child) as martyr versus the aged victim as martyr; and (4) a mutual narrative of suffering. Practical implications are discussed.