Uniting and dividing the genders: A dialogue on desire and passion

Robi Friedman

Research output: Chapter in Book/Report/Conference proceedingChapterpeer-review

Abstract

Feminine approaches to desire and passion are both fascinating and innovative and influence masculine evaluation, appreciation and judgment. The trend to consider desire as pertaining predominantly to the intimate realm should be balanced with male perspectives of sexual and violent desires and passion. The dominance of "modern" feminine perspectives may have social desirability but also leave quite a large segment of male "partners" with difficulties engaging in psychotherapy or other possible transformative dialogue. As consequence of misunderstandings and splits, women often cannot even begin to grasp the magnitude of the impact of their desires on men. At the same time, male desires are devalued, e.g., passion for war movies or soccer may be considered immature, macho and worthless of serious consideration. On the other hand, men are often surprised to discover not only their tendency to compulsively comply with female desires but also their resulting unconscious ambivalence. In the full pattern, after satisfying their female partners, they would directly and indirectly hurt them. Defining desires and passions as a relational event, men seem to tend towards both Relational-passions (mainly) towards women and Martial desires in their relations with potential threats. Confusion between these realms is common. Examples of working through gender contents in dreams and approaching dream-telling as a significant communication in a co-conducted analytic group are described. The chapter includes sharing a cross-gender discussion of the process by the co-conductors. Gender-dialogue is the key instrument to understanding desires and passion the relationship between men and women. The first example shows ambivalence towards women-seducing, failing in keeping self-boundaries and some kind of "submission," without real love. In a second example, a common pattern is presented: male "martial passion" is used by women in order to split away their own aggression. This division makes it more difficult to work through violent individual and social aspects. Informative and transformative potential may be realized if partnership makes a true gender dialogue possible.

Original languageEnglish
Title of host publicationDesire, Passion and Gender
Subtitle of host publicationClinical Implications
PublisherNova Science Publishers, Inc.
Pages121-137
Number of pages17
ISBN (Print)9781617611087
StatePublished - 2011

ASJC Scopus subject areas

  • General Medicine
  • General Psychology

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