“Married is better than single”: Never-married, single, middle-aged Arab-Muslim women marrying an older widower

Objective: Using a third world feminist lens, we aimed to examine experiences of never-married, single, middle-aged Arab-Muslim women in Israel who married an older widower. The study has potential to promote knowledge on agency for such women in Israel and other patriarchal societies undergoing modernization. Background: Women in modern Western societies have the option to remain single, without being involved in a stable partner relationship, yet engage in casual sexual relationships. However, for women in patriarchal societies, having a partner relationship outside wedlock is forbidden. Method: We conducted semistructured qualitative interviews with 12 Arab-Muslim, childless, low-educated women who at midlife married for the first time a much older widower with offspring from his previous marriage. A phenomenological approach was used as the framework for data analysis. Results: We identified three themes: (a) motivations to marry to avoid loneliness and the “old maid” experience; (b) gaps between marital expectations and reality regarding care and caregiving, freedom and restrictions, sexual disappointment, and the unfulfilled fantasy of motherhood for securing old age, versus being content with enjoying life; and (c) the relationship with the husband's family, reflecting the essence of these marriages. Conclusion: Coinciding with third world feminism, despite these women's inability to fulfill modern Western marital values they are exposed to, they experience agency alongside vulnerability, perceiving their marriage as a choice to upgrade their status rather than submission to patriarchy. Implications: Public service providers could use the knowledge for implementing programs tailored to these women's needs.